we were really close buddies for a month or so..
we used to talk alot and alot..
but afterwards i felt scared that he was doing the same with other girls.
he had no direction. i was tired of being left hanging by him on AIM for 5-10 minutes and have him come back to me and ask boring questions or tell me he had "gtg."
he stopped talking to me entirely.
i dedicate most of my AIM names to him
i can't say that i like him, but he was more than any of the other shallow guys.
we had a lot in common, and he was a friend i wanted to hold on to forever.
"i would talk to him first..one time and the next he would need to say hi to me first." that's my rule.
so he never talked to me again.
yeah, maybe it seems like im being too hard on myself..but everytime i talk to him first i regret it and feel like i've done something wrong.
maybe its the feeling i got when i met a new friend..
and once its gone..its gone forever and the conversations get boring
i guess im happy that right now i'm reflecting on the good conversations and not worrying about how bad it is to talk to him and getting him bored.
it's so hard to find someone who would treat me like i'm everything to them.
i wish at 11:11 for my husband. i don't know where he is in the world, what he's doing, or who he's with, what he looks like, his personality, looks, etc. i just know that this person is going to love me someday and i want to give him happiness everyday until he meets me. that's because i know i'll make him really happy. and he'll make me very happy too.
so..i have been dreaming about that guy for 3 nights now. first dream took place at his house and it seemed like i was forced to live with him. in my dream, he lived under a restaurant. at the top floor of the restaurant, there was an old witch lady who abducted people everyday and she was the boss of the restaurant. every kid knew of this lady, but the parents thought it was just a joke. i lived with him, and we slept in the same room. he let me sleep on his bed and he slept on the floor. i had a really hard time sleeping, and i told him the next morning. afterwards, he introduced me to a lady-his mom and his sister..and in the dream he had another sister also.
during the second dream, i had snuck into his huge house and looked through all his stuff. his parents were hosting a party and were too busy to notice me. when i knew he was back from hockey practice, i tried running down the stairs and he saw me. still knowing that his parents weren't watching, i told him i was just using the washroom upstairs. he completely ignored me in my dream. he didn't seem to care that i was there and why i was there. he just walked past me.
during yesterday's dream, we were on some kind of school trip. even the girls who always stuck to him weren't stuck to him anymore. we were at a cabin-like place where there were many rooms. everyone was in one room, and i was with my friend VC in another. i had eaten dinner already, but my friend VC wanted to eat mcdonalds. therefore we walked to mcdonalds in the pouring rain. after she bought her dinner, i ordered my icecream cone and was ready to leave. on my way out, i saw him with someone who i would consider his sister and his grandpa. my friend decided to go back to our rooms first so she could eat. after i said hi to him, it started thundering with lightning outside and his grandpa insisted that i sit with them until the rain stopped. i was eating my icecream cone, and his sister was scared of the pen marks on all of the napkins. in my dream, i acted as if pen marks were very normal on napkins and volunteered to rip all the parts of the napkins with pen marks. i could feel that his grandpa was looking at me in awe..thinking i was being really considerate and caring for this little 7 year old girl who i have just met.
my dreams may not seem very entire and have endings to them, because my mommy wakes me up when it's time for afternoon tea. i sleep until 3 pm now. i love summer. just don't like dreaming of him and his parents and family, who i have no idea what in the world they look like or what type of people they are..
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